Make the Most of Mentoring - Bob Reccord
by: Bob Reccord
In a previous post I shared about the joy I had speaking to leaders on mentoring. My outline actually used the word M-E-N-T-O-R as an acrostic of key components to effective mentoring. Allow me to share one with you that I share with them…
M—MAKE INVESTMENTS THAT COUNT
In speaking and pouring into the life of another, it is key that the one being mentored is hungry to learn.
Have you seen the movie Zorro with Antonio Banderas and Anthony Hopkins? Hopkins believes that Banderas can succeed him as Zorro….but he realizes the young man has a lot to learn. Asking if he knows how to use a sword, he watches amused as Banderas shows off with his sword…all motion with not much skill. Then, like lightening, Hopkins easily knocks the sword out of Banderas’ hand…and with a sigh mutters, “This is going to be a looooooong process!”
But then he utters a line that captured my attention, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” When the student is ready…that is key to mentoring. That person needs to feel they want to improve, grow, deepen and stretch in their life and leadership arenas…and that they want someone who is a few steps further down the road of life and leadership to help the get there.
Tim is one of those. He called me about 3 years ago and asked if I would consider mentoring him. I was shocked. He lived 5 hours from my home!! As we talked and I raised the challenges involved, he committed to drive with his wife and kids to my home monthly! And that he did…for two years!!!! Cheryl and I were able to pour into their lives…and they poured into ours. Today, he is a GREAT friend, a partner in ministry and hardly two weeks go by that he is not calling and encouraging me!!
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear!” Who is ready…right where you are? Then what are you waiting for?
March 27th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Dr. Reccord,
I agree we need mentors. How do those of us who have begged for them for years get someone to see we are serious and really want to help. I asked several prominent pastors in metro Atlanta to mentor me. None had the time. One said yes then tried to hit me up for AMWAY. When I told him no I never heard from him again.
When I moved to Charlotte I contacted a famous pastor who had transitioned a church and written a book. We were finally going to meet in late December. I spent two hours coming up with questions to ask. I drove an hour away and waited for 2 hours. He stood me up. I emailed him and he apologized and said we would do it again. I never have heard from him again.
I met with another one here a few months ago for coffee. He tried to rush me out as fast as possible. I took 2 hours to come up with questions to ask him. I felt like I was bothering him. I lost all respect for him quickly.
I was to have another pastor help me recently. I cleared an entire day to meet with him. I got a call from his secretary and said he would not be able to meet. I was told he would reschedule and I hope it comes to pass. That was 2 weeks ago and I’ve not heard back. I realize he is busy.
What do I do? My mentoring has occured thru books, cd’s and conferences. I really want to grow and pass on to others. Any words of wisdom?
March 28th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Kevin,
My name is Tim Brown, I am one of Bob’s friends. I take that back, I am Bob’s best friend, I say that because someone who mentors you better become your best friend or the relationship will falter.
I hurt for you not being able to find someone to sharpen your axe. There is no other relationship in ministry as vital as a mentor. I would encourage you to keep looking. You might try changing your focus, don’t go for the big dogs unless you know its God putting you together. There are many pastors with much to teach you who pastor smaller churches or who are retired. You may be able to out preach them, but they have a faith that can move mountains and experiences you need. You might also look outside your denomination; a fresh perspective might be just what you need. God has someone out there for you, be patient and prepare yourself for them. (That sounds like marriage advice, It works though, look how many girls turned you down before you met the right one!)
Many pastors choose not to mentor because it becomes a draining to them not a time to recharge or refresh their own life and ministry. For many, those they have tried to mentor become as annoying as an Amway sales rep. Many young pastors are spiritual and emotional vampires, sucking every bit of life out of you and leaving you to die! A mentor needs to recieve a sense fulfillment if they are to enjoy the mentor relationship.
I have found the joy and blessing I received from a mentoring relationship was not what I could get from Bob, but what I could give to him. Mentoring is too often seen from a top down perspective. My relationship with Bob is just as vital to Him as it is to me. I believe God has called me to be His guardian of faith. It is my responsibility to help grow Him and keep him accountable and prayed up. I can pick his brain for answers and help but that is secondary to our friendship. You have something to offer a mentor, find what it is and approach them from that perspective.
March 29th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Thanks Tim,
I do have a coach through the BSCNC. He has been great but the “coaching” relationship is different than “mentoring” at least what I thought. Thanks for your words.
March 29th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
I agree Kevin. I see coaching as often focused on a skill base or skill set. Mentoring on the other hand can include some of that, for sure, but is really focused on developing the whole person—character, thinking skills, perspective, how to approach life in its various real,ms and to keep it balanced,etc. Mentoring is also a two way street if it is at its best. There is an iron-against-iron element in which the mentor gains immense amounts from the one being mentored if both are fully engaged.
One of the things I have found helpful is having mentors that have faced tough times and had points where they were not “raging successes.” One of the things good mentors should be passing on is how to handle difficult times, when the bottom drops out. I have found that those who have been there, and are secure enough to admit it, have been my best mentors.
April 4th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
One of the things I’m praying about Kevin is doing some teleforum coaching to some great young leaders like you. I just did four weeks with some great CEOs across the nation and it went great!!! Several young leaders have probed me seeing if I would consider something like that. Pray with me as I consider it.