Everywhere I turn, I’m watching marriages come apart at the seams. And that is inside the church! Some statistics today say that marriages inside the church are falling apart at a higher rate than outside. What has gone wrong?!

I was recently asked to write an article on the issue for www.sermoncentral.com, which has a huge viewing audience. It is titled REVERSING THE MARRIAGE IMPLOSION. I am so thankful for the opportunity and am already getting e-mails and comments on the article,. Go to their site and go to the newsletter where the articles are. I woud be honored to have to read it and give your thoughts.

And, by the way, GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE (Prov. 4:23), because we’re all only one step from stupid at any given moment!

A because we care about marriage, that’s another reason we have called our ministry TOTAL LIFE IMPACT!

BTW, here’s the text of the article…

Reversing the Marriage Implosion
By Bob Reccord

People spend a lot of time and money preparing for the wedding, but not much preparing for the marriage.

The typical wedding ceremony is crammed with symbols of God’s plan for a covenant marriage …

Great marriages, or even solid marriages, don’t just happen. They are intentional.

My 24-year old daughter recently participated in a wedding that many merely dream about: the Ritz-Carlton, beautifully manicured acreage, surrounding waterscapes, celebrative music filling the air with anticipation, enough food and drinks to feed a veritable army and, of course, a fashionably elegant wedding party dressed to the nines. Add in a healthy dose of fabulous weather, and you have a magic moment. But external trappings do not always great marriages make!

On the way home my daughter, caught in a reflective fog, enumerated friends whose marriages were already destabilized. “It seems to me that a lot of people spend a lot of time and money preparing for the wedding, but not much preparing for the marriage,” she mused. Stop the world! There’s a piece of earth-shattering perspective. Why wasn’t I thinking of insightful things like that at 24? I wondered.

Bob Reccord’s article on Preaching for Impact
Bob’s Sermon: God Never Guides Where He Doesn’t Also Provide
Bob’s Sermon: Making the World’s Best or Worst Decisions- The Choice is Yours
More SermonCentral Marriage ResourcesToday, statistics scream to us of the implosion of marriage. In this disposable society, marriage partners become throw-away items if they don’t fit into the other’s “wants, needs and goals.”

I purposely used the word implosion and not explosion. Webster’s defines it as “to collapse inward as if from external pressure.” Our landscape of marriage looks like the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, or a once-stately high-rise brought to a pile of rubble by demolition experts. So what key pressures and charges are toppling today’s marriages?

It’s a Covenant, not a Contract!
On any given weekend, and even in the church, exhilarated brides and nervous grooms say their “I do’s” without understanding God’s deepest intent for the relationship into which they enter. They ritually run through the elements of a ceremony without understanding the Rock from which it was hewn!

Having had the joy of speaking in marriage conferences, I often start with the differences between a “contract” and a covenant. Tying it back into the covenant dealings of God with His people, I remind them that the Hebrew word so often used for covenant is “beriyth” meaning “a solemn agreement cut between parties with binding force.” I unpack the elements of God’s covenants with His leaders and people, followed by a look at the first-century Jewish wedding (which was seen as a covenant relation). Then I show the elements of covenant still present in the modern-day wedding ceremony. Afterwards, I often have scores of people say, “I’ve never heard that before! Why don’t we hear that in weddings today?” What an attention-grabbing question, indeed! Why don’t they?

The typical wedding ceremony is crammed with symbols of God’s plan for a covenant marriage:

The groom enters first because he is the initiator of the covenant.
The white runner depicts holy ground.
The father walks his daughter down the aisle because he is coming to the end of his spiritual leadership and prepares to surrender that role to the man in whose hands he will place her.
She walks down an aisle (and they will exit by it) representing the “walk of death”, when those entering Biblical covenants walked between the halves of a slain animal, as if to say, “may what happened to this animal happen to me if I break this covenant.”
The groom says his vows first because at that moment, he becomes the spiritual head.

And we all could stand being reminded that:

A contract is based on distrust;
A covenant is based on trust.

A contract is based on limited liability;
A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility.

A contract can be voided by a court or mutual consent;
A covenant is not to be voided.

A contract says, “What’s mine is mine”;
A covenant says. “What’s mine is yours.”

In the past fifteen years, I can’t remember doing a ceremony without focusing on these important elements and what they mean to those taking their “vows”.

What an amazing time of discipling for all involved, and we could be missing it! There are some wonderful resources out there to help any minister capture perhaps one of the most powerful equipping experiences in life. They can move couples from focusing on simply the “wedding,” to concentrating on the covenantal relationship and the strength it brings to the experience.

Enter With Your Eyes Open!
As marriages hurtle into the future before them, we must remind every couple to keep their eyes open for the needs and fears of the other. A wise, seasoned counselor told me years ago that the greatest need of women is security, and her greatest fear is insecurity. Conversely, the greatest need of a man is adequacy, and his greatest fear, inadequacy. If only my wife and I had been told this before we got married, not years later!

Within every wife, there is a little girl craving to hear that she is pretty, valued, treasured and loved. She can handle multiple moves, shaky finances, job difficulties and worse as long as she is relationally secure with her man. Every husband longs to hear, “I’m proud of you because…” He yearns to know he is adequate in his leadership. In conference after conference, women sit stunned when my wife asks men to lower their head and raise their hand on what they would prefer to hear from their wife: “I love you,” or “I’m proud of you.” “I’m proud of you” wins hands down (or up in this case). Even the makers of Viagra and Calais understand a man’s passionate desire to be adequate!

So, what implosions might be avoided if every couple walking toward the altar were clearly guided on the foundational need/fear of their potential mate? It would so clearly show how our IEDs (improvised explosive devices) of words and actions within marriage can rupture the infrastructure of our relationships and bring our homes crashing in around us.

Why Wait ‘til All Else Fails?
I remember well the older gentleman, looking deep into my eyes—with a glint in his—as he said, “When all else fails, son, pray with your wife.” After some 35 years of marriage, I would scream, “DON’T WAIT UNTIL ALL ELSE FAILS!”

I am shaken by how many men across the nation who characterize themselves as “Christian” husbands miss a key ingredient of quake-proof marriages: praying with their spouse. Notice I didn’t say “praying for their spouse.” Sure, that’s important; but something profoundly powerful happens when a husband leads his wife in a time of shared prayer. And ask any wife if she would prefer her husband not lead their prayer, and she’ll likely take your head off! Every woman deeply needs her husband to take the spiritual lead in their home, and this means more than just taking the family to church. It’s an investment of himself in hands-on application.

But why don’t more men do it? Multiple reasons: lack of a good model, a feeling of inadequacy, a fear of failure, not knowing how to begin, lack of equipping…and on and on it goes.

So, to reverse the implosion, could churches spend focused time on equipping men to pray with their wives? Start simply: suggest getting a notebook/journal and writing down prayer needs and requests with their date and the answers as they come. (It blows a woman’s mind when she sees her husband writing down what she says!) And encourage them to begin where they are right now, and repeat that it’s not too late!

At a recent men’s conference, I spoke on this subject and challenged the men to start right where they were, right NOW. The next morning, a 73-year old man sought me out, and with tears streaming down his cheeks he declared, “I did something for the first time last night, something I should have done years ago. I prayed with my wife.” He choked as he recounted the amazing experience and regretted what he had missed for years. Then I asked, “What did your wife do?” With faltering voice, he whispered, “She said she had been waiting all of our married life for this day.” Enough said! And here is the amazing part: his “adequacy-rating” skyrockets, and she feels increasingly secure.

It Doesn’t Just Happen
As I step back and reflect on what I have observed in these last years of societal-wide marriage implosion, above all one missing ingredient comes to mind: intentionality. I have never seen any man say, “I think I’ll marry someone who won’t love me in ten years,” or a woman who proclaimed, “All I want is a breadwinner.” No, every couple marches into marriage looking for the best of times and not giving a second-thought to the possibility of the worst of times. With a beautiful wedding, a breathtaking honeymoon, and a bright new future, what more is there? Not much, is the answer, without intentionality.

Great marriages, or even solid marriages, don’t just happen. They are intentional. Partners must take practical steps to ensure the marriage that starts well can end well. People don’t just “slide” into marriages that last.

Maybe one of the most overlooked resources of our churches are mentoring couples who can be encouragers to younger or newly married couples. In our world of hectic schedules, unending expectations, “performance” mentalities and non-stop pressure, a spiritually mature couple to come alongside a newer one could be a life-saving resource and a pressure-release all at the same time. Their practical wisdom from an intentional, biblically-centered journey could be just what the doctor ordered.

So, could it be that my 24-year old daughter was right? Maybe we are tempted to spend a lot more effort on preparing for the wedding that we do preparing for the marriage. So, the ball’s in our court; may be become leaders, churches and people who act to reverse the implosion, triggering an explosion of stable homes.

For some 10 years now I have had the privilege of being a key note speaker in an amazing event called Student Leadership University (www.studentleadership.net). My friend Jay Strack started it some 14 years ago and has equipped the lives of thousands of young people who are leaders of both tomorrow…AND TODAY.

The process starts in Orlando in year one when the students gather in Orlando to learn the base of leadership in off-the-chart creative means such as experiencing behind the scenes of Universal, and staying over night in the shark tunnel of . There they learn how to deal with the sharks (difficult and attacking people of life). In addition they learn how they are wired tempermentally and what that means as they deal with people wired the same way as they are, as well as those who don’t.

In the second year they go to Washington DC where I have the privilege of challenging these amazing young leaders in “Leading From the Inside Out” and–something I really love–speaking on the Christian heritage of our nation. And what an honor to do that in our nation’s capital. What a back drop for showing these great young leaders the rich foundation from which they have come! And during the week in Washington these young leaders meet Congressional leaders, national Christian leaders, and thought leaders of America. Amazingly they see the amazing sights of Washington DC, and its amazing monuments from a totally new perspective. The hand print of God on this nation’s foundation begins to take shape in their heart and soul. The prices our forefathers paid becomes appreciated in a fresh and deep ways, like never before.

And as I watch these oung men and women, dressed as if they were going to a major job interview, I see the hope of tomorrow. They are deep thinkers, wanting to understand the principles that make for both an effective and powerful life and a free and powerful country. Their questions deal with the core moral issues of our world. Easy answers are not what they desir…but substance and truth.

It is an honor to be associated with them, and to have the privilege of encouraging them in their journey to be everuthing God wants them to be. I feel confident they will make their total life one of impact. And that is one of the reasons Cheryl and I named our ministry Total Life Impact.

As a former pastor I have had the joy of helping start new churches both within the United States and beyond. As the President of the North American Mission Board for 9 years we had the joy of facilitating over 14,350 new congregations. While living in Atlanta we had a brief period of being a part of a new church start where my wife Cheryl played keyboard in a very talented worship band. But I have never had the absolute joy of being intimately involved in a church leadership team and watch it take off up close and personal.

That has now happened. Last fall I was invited by a new church in Ft. Lauderdale to join my great friend Jay Strack and tag-team as teaching pastors to get a church up an running on its own feet. Last summer is the first time I visited it while it met in an abused women’s shelter. That Suday I counted 47 people. I returned and started working with the church and Jay in September and they were hitting about 65 or so. Since then we have seen the attendence surge to approximately 270, see over 80 kids attend VBS and watch 45 adult workers come out of the woodwork to be a part of touching lives. And, are you ready for this, 12 of the kids made a commitmen to accept Christ into their life!

But maybe the most amazing thing has been to watch the waters of baptism move again. North Star merged last fall with a church that was just about to fold. Their facilities in Wilton Manor were offered to North Star as a part of the merge and the members would become one church. The transition was smooth, the attitudes great, and people started being saved. In fact, we’re baptizing regularly…the first time the baptism waters have stirred in the former Wilton Manors facilities in about 35-40 years from what I am told from some long time members! The people are celebrating weekly about what God has done and is doing, and the atmosphere can only be described as celebrative. The music weekly regularly has people on their feet and they break out in applause as people are baptised. Throughout the Spring we have seen baptisms, and a couple of weeks ago we had 5 more baptizted and about 15 more are presently waiting. Giving is strong. Expectations are high. And thanksgiving is continuous. Especially since the baptism were repaired for the first time in decades and the baptismal waters are being stirred regularly.

Bob Reeder and an engaged group of lay leaders receive much of the accolades for the tenacity of paying the price to keep things moving forward. Regardless of the circumstances and challenges they have continued to move forward. And now this church is forging ahead in an area of Fort Lauderdale that is not growing…and not even normally acknowledged as one conducive to church life. But at North Star, the baptismal is repaired for the first time in years…the facilities are repaired…and we’re seeing the possibility of running out of room. All of this in a time when my denominations baptisms are in free fall. Which says A DENOMINATION CAN’T WIN PEOPLE TO CHRIST NOR INCREASE BAPTISMS–ONLY THE LOCAL CHURCH CAN DO THAT

Thank you Lord to be a part of a group of people who are broken, from radically diverse backgrounds, perseverant, committed, beleiving God can do anything, and will to pay the price to experience the JOY of being a church on the move. And thanks to all those who have afforded me a wonderful opportunity to work with friends and trusting Christ-followers to play a small part in what God is up to. What a ride!